I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
