this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ttyl tear gas
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
