I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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