So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
