if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
