see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize