i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
