I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
