If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
