I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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