you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
