How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
