he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
