all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
