You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
