I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
