We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
