he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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