Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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