I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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