Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize