South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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