I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
