Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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