What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
