i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
