Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
