The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I just sharted jello shots
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