I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
