Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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