I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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