I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
