I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize