So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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