Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize