Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
