We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
