i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
