just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
