Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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