At least make sure they are 18
Why
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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