I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
