Ambien. No doubt about it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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