How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
