i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
