Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
