She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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