Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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