Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
