Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
