I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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