In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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