She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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