i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
