She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
