im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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