My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
