I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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