u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize