im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
