god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
