I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
