i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
