I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
