I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
