I faked an abortion last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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