One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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