Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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