You can't motorboat a personality
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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